Yes, Iowa is home in the sense that it is where we have lived our lives as a couple this past 16 years and we both grew up there. It is home in that all three of our kids reside there with their families. The only family we have that is not located in central Iowa are three aunts and a handful of cousins. We consider ourselves lucky in that way.If you are contemplating this lifestyle and all your social fabric and family are near your current home be prepared for a huge change when you come home the first time. 19 years ago, my first husband died unexpectedly and I learned through that process that a major life change occurs on many planes. Every relationship you have before the change must also evolve with your changed life. Most of us don’t see it happening. We get caught up in whatever the catalyst is and don’t see the process. We notice after the change has occurred and are often blindsided by it. That is the nature of this beast. I’m not saying it is a bad thing but it is certainly impactful. People go on with their lives, without you present on a regular basis, and before you know it you are a guest in the former space you once occupied in their lives.
When you live the full time RV lifestyle, the whole point is to move around and experience different places. The people who are close to you and supported your decision are faced with the reality that you will return from time to time but those returns will always be followed by an inevitable departure. It’s like the giant purple elephant in the corner of the room when you are ‘home’.
Our experience this summer has been a real eye-opener to the fact that we have chosen a very different path for our life than anyone else we know. We work our hours here at Saylorville, attend and host family gatherings as we did in the past but we also have a stark reminder of what we missed over the winter. Like the winter birthdays. I figure the adults can deal with it but when your 5 year old grandson starts grieving your inevitable departure in July months before you are scheduled to leave and has trouble warming up to the idea that you won’t be at his birthday party in late November the heart strings pull painfully. We visit our former camping group when they gather in a local campground but we are guests at their site, much like our friends who don’t own RV’s were when they visited our weekend encampments and listened to our stories of the weekend and happenings since the last gathering of campers. We have become guest in our former lives.
During my banking years I had several conversations with snowbirds who had to stop going south for the winter for one reason or another. They said things like, “all our friends are in Arizona” or “our whole social life is there”. I never quite grasped it since I knew everyone they had known throughout their lives and their kids were here. I get it now. Everyone you meet on the road is in the same boat as you. People become close very quickly. For two reasons, I think. One, you are like minded. Two, you are not in your ‘home’ space. You build ‘home’ around you, in a given place for a given time.
I haven’t been brave enough to have this conversation with anyone this summer, to see what it is like for them to know we are here for now but will take off again. The emotional experience is a little like the grief cycle. Denial, “Maybe they won’t really miss us.’ Anger “ We are outsiders now” Bargaining, ‘I’ll give the kids with winter birthday’s big presents this summer so I won’t feel so guilty for being gone this winter” ( I’ll still feel guilty as hell) Depression “ We are outsiders now.” and Acceptance, ‘This is what we chose and we still have these wonderful ties to come to in Iowa for even if the vibe has changed.”
The Full time RV lifestyle is full of rewards and challenges but so is any other lifestyle. Is it hard to accept some of the changes? Sometimes. Have I cried about it? Yep. Do we regret our choice? Not for a minute. Someday, when this chapter ends we’ll have heads and hearts full of people and experiences we would not have otherwise had. We will still have our close relationships with our kids, siblings, friends and extended family. Like I said, we are very fortunate to have them all in the same geographical area. We see them 6 months straight each spring/summer.
My paternal grandfather was a snowbird throughout my childhood. I knew he would leave each winter. I loved when he came home in the spring and I’m sure bugged him constantly since he lived nearby. I hold in my heart two memorable trips to Texas in the winter to see him. I always felt close to him despite his seasonal absence. I hold onto that when I think of our own young grand kids experiencing one set of grandparents who leave in the winter.
We depart in three months, almost to the day. We are very excited to see friends we made in Texas last winter, my Aunt Pat and cousins that we haven’t seen in a year or so on the way south and of course we are very excited to miss another brutal Iowa winter. We’ll complete our first full year around the time we leave in October. The sociologist in me is looking forward to a little field research this winter among other snowbirds who go home to their families in the summer. I’m not sure how to approach our close family and friends about these feelings, maybe next year. Strangers hearts are much safer to explore.Until next time.....
