Saylorville Lake, Sunny 85 Degrees
We are learning quickly that traveling around requires constant vigilance about regional customs and etiquette. It is just as easy to commit and unintended social faux pau in the United States as it is travelling abroad.
I remember the first time someone called me ma’am. I was in my 30’s, I nearly cried. Growing up in the Midwest “ma’am” was a title reserved for your great aunt or maybe the scary nun at Catholic School. It automatically implied significant age and strict authority over person who uttered the title. In Texas, we learned quickly, ma’am and sir are simple titles of mutual respect and courtesy. It’s more a congenial title, than an implication of decrepitude. Age has nothing to do with it. People call each other ma’am and sir regardless of age dynamics. As long as assign the correct title to the right sex you’re good. I think it is a required prefix to the period at the end of spoken sentences in Texas. After some time, I started to feel like I was perceived as a little disrespectful toward others if I didn’t end a response with it. It’s simply a part of the warm, friendly way of Texans. After two winters there it comes quite naturally to me to use the terms.
When we first arrived back in Iowa this spring I was checking out at the grocery store and out of my mouth came, “Thank you ma’am, ya’ll have a nice day” Sounds fine when you say it in Texas. In Iowa? Not so much. The checker visibly bristled. I wondered if it was the first time she had been called that or if it was because she was about my age and thought I perceived her as older. Either way, I knew I had stepped in it, by Iowa cultural standards. Stiff ole’ northerners.
Another one is talking to strangers. In Texas a short grocery line is one that has less than 10 people in front of you. In Texas people stand in the line and merrily chat about whatever comes up. It’s almost pleasant to stand in line. I’ve seen people get to talking and end up exchanging numbers or sharing Pinterest stuff. It’s an incredibly friendly place compared to Iowa in those terms. People go out of their way not to talk to each other in my home state. Look at a long line in Iowa and you will see people standing around sighing, glued to their smart phones or staring into space. If they say anything to each other at all, it is just to complain about the wait and how the store doesn’t have enough help.
Just for fun the other day, I was standing in line a JoAnn’s Fabrics, a store famous nation wide for their long waits at the cashier, since they never have enough help. I started trying to engage the woman ahead of me, about her upcoming project and she looked at me like I was from Mars and physically turned her back on me. I smiled at the woman ahead of her who was witnessing this horror and she fixated on her phone and made it a point not to make eye contact with me, for fear I would do something awful like try to visit with her or maybe eat her children.
It’s a matter of culture. I’ve lived in three different states and I decided a long time ago that Iowa culture is anything but warm and friendly compared to other parts of the county. I hate to diss my home state but it’s true. Maybe we’re all just trying to cope with our crazy extreme weather. Maybe it’s the stiff Scandinavian heritage, or remnants of tough depression era farm life only two generations past. Whatever it is, I think I’ll keep chatting in line at the grocery store just for the amusement. Who knows maybe I can single handedly start a cultural shift in my home state!
Ya’ll have a nice day!
Until tomorrow…
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